My doctor appointment is in 2 days. I leave tomorrow. I am fortunate to be getting a quick ride on a lil airplane thanks to Angel Flight. My trip home isn't scheduled yet so hopefully I am not stuck in Seattle. Beautiful city, many friends but it wouldn't be a vacation (when they are all working) and I wouldn't have my meds. Plus, I have a friends Bday party Friday night that I gotta get back to! Even if I am just sittin and hanging for a bit, I AM going!
Anxiety always fills me before my doctor appointments. It is a reality check. I can float along and for moments here and there try to forget how sick I am. But it is like I am on salary for a demanding boss, I really can't ever forget my work. I know I should have been making some different choices since my last doctor appointment. That is how I measure things, every 2 months. But I have been distracted, weak, unfocused, fighting with the reality of my days.
I am still on the band wagon but have sure tried to hop off a few times. I have been cheating and eating sugar in the form of my addictive enemy: The cookie. I have not been going for my small walks unless I feel up to a longer walk. I have been having daily conversations/arguments with my meds 5 times a day.
New year brings new chances. In the small, daily moments, I want to be more at peace with living with Chronic Lyme Disease. I need to go back to cooking healthy huge batches of soups and freezing them. I need to use some type of simple schedule to remind me all the different health/detox things I need to get in throughout my week. I need to remember to nap in the afternoon and not push through to try to DO something around the house. I want to meditate in the mornings and calm and focus my body and mind. I want to stand up to that conniving lil bastard, sugar, and say NO WAY, I don't need you and you have no power over me, and be able to walk away.
The good thing about seeing my doctor every 2 months is I re-evaluate my health and refine what "I" can do to help myself heal. The bad thing is I am reminded I am sicker than the way I want to live. My mind and body are filled with desires of things to experience and do but the reality is, I am too sick. One of the my favorite things in the whole world is skiing. I haven't been able to go for 12 years. My kids are now learning to snowboard and I can't be up on the mountain with them. It is a loss I have to mourn. It is a hope I have for the future, to go down the hill someday with them.
The wonderful thing about having this particular disease is that I CAN heal. It is slow, and a hard trek, but it WILL happen if I keep on keepin on! And of course continue to get the incredible wisdom of my doctor!
Anxiety always fills me before my doctor appointments. It is a reality check. I can float along and for moments here and there try to forget how sick I am. But it is like I am on salary for a demanding boss, I really can't ever forget my work. I know I should have been making some different choices since my last doctor appointment. That is how I measure things, every 2 months. But I have been distracted, weak, unfocused, fighting with the reality of my days.
I am still on the band wagon but have sure tried to hop off a few times. I have been cheating and eating sugar in the form of my addictive enemy: The cookie. I have not been going for my small walks unless I feel up to a longer walk. I have been having daily conversations/arguments with my meds 5 times a day.
New year brings new chances. In the small, daily moments, I want to be more at peace with living with Chronic Lyme Disease. I need to go back to cooking healthy huge batches of soups and freezing them. I need to use some type of simple schedule to remind me all the different health/detox things I need to get in throughout my week. I need to remember to nap in the afternoon and not push through to try to DO something around the house. I want to meditate in the mornings and calm and focus my body and mind. I want to stand up to that conniving lil bastard, sugar, and say NO WAY, I don't need you and you have no power over me, and be able to walk away.
The good thing about seeing my doctor every 2 months is I re-evaluate my health and refine what "I" can do to help myself heal. The bad thing is I am reminded I am sicker than the way I want to live. My mind and body are filled with desires of things to experience and do but the reality is, I am too sick. One of the my favorite things in the whole world is skiing. I haven't been able to go for 12 years. My kids are now learning to snowboard and I can't be up on the mountain with them. It is a loss I have to mourn. It is a hope I have for the future, to go down the hill someday with them.
The wonderful thing about having this particular disease is that I CAN heal. It is slow, and a hard trek, but it WILL happen if I keep on keepin on! And of course continue to get the incredible wisdom of my doctor!
I can relate to this in so many ways. Say NO to cookies - there should be a National campaign, public awareness... LOL! We can do this!
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