To Dance or Not to Dance

My anger has given way to loneliness.  Now I am just tired of sitting on the sidelines.  I understand and accept I can't join groups I am interested in, and be more involved with relationship building activities.  Even doing a yoga class is too much for me.  Just the idea of getting myself ready and to the location would be a tiring thing.  And I can only do yoga or walking for about 10 minutes, any more and I pay for it in pain or fatigue later. I am looking for a book club and keeping my eyes out for other unique groups where I can build relationships yet not active.

I joined a site online, Pinterest, that allows me to view pictures posts on a variety of topics and them repin my favorites on my bulletin boards under different titles I have chosen.  For a year now, my doctor has been telling me to google images of things I love like Nature, Colors ect.  Pinterest has been a great way for me to do this.  I am rediscovering who I am (inside).  I have a board "Things I will do again soon", "Dream things to do", "Dream vacation spots" and a few more.  Those have reminded me a side of me I almost forgot.

I am active.  I like to play.  I like to be silly.  I am energentic.  I like to try new things.  I am a people person.  I love to ski, skate, hike, waterski, kayak, dance, run, swim, bike.  I have dreams to try more active things.  But the reality is right now I just want to be able to get through the day with out having intense pain that shuts me in my bedroom for the day.  I can't plan to do more.  I can wish.  I become impatient wishing.  Since I can't dance in the way I want to, I am trying to learn how to mentally dance in a way that will give me some of that same sense of fun and release.