I had spent the last 10 years becoming sicker every year. Now I can look back to a year ago and see improvements. It is so hopeful. It helps me to dream for my future. It helps me relax about today. It also makes me slack. I have been eating things that make my body swell and have had a pregnant looking belly for the last month. I know I should tighten up my diet but don't feel like putting in the extra work. I am tired of it. Lazy about it. Unmotivated. Then there will be days in a row I am so disciplined. Part of the problem is I am also trying to eat eat eat to try to break the 100# mark. I have been 95 pounds since at least last summer. It makes it very hard to only eat veggies and meat (avoiding red meat except 2 times a week) and gain weight.
In Peter Pan he says "You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming?". That is how I feel, stuck between 2 places, a bit disorientated, but excited.
I love being with friends and become energized. Recently I have been well enough to spend time out with friends/family. New Years eve playing games with friends, a birthday party watching friends play a dance game, indoor waterpark with my kids, end of the year celebration with our team with dinner and dancing. All of these have in common: foods that don't quite match my diet, me standing and turning my neck frequently. It is amazing how those little things can take so much out of me and leave me in a recovery mode for days after.
Balance in life is what everyone toils with. I am thrilled that I can get to make choices and dream of making even more choices in my future!
Chrissy- that peter pan quote is SO what I feel too. We both have a long journey ahead of us.. but as long as we can see an end in site.. we can make it through. It IS finding the balance in life that makes things run smoother.. LOVE YOU!
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