tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38098887674017663552024-03-13T21:20:43.341-07:00The Lyme and Times of ...Those pesky ticks have wreaked havoc in our lives but they have not taken Lymies spirit.
There is power in awareness.
There is healing in humor.
There is a calm in getting angry.
There is life in feeling understood.
This is a place to learn to heal as a whole person, to get encouragement, to share Lyme research, and to advocate for the Lyme sufferers.Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-26896418308777689622013-05-15T18:56:00.002-07:002013-05-15T18:56:58.859-07:00Another Year Older, Another year towards my Goal<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Today is my birthday. Last week I had about 30 symptoms I was dealing with. I still had to work, be a mom and wife. Saturday night hit and my body screamed, "No More DAMMIT!". <br />
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Two months ago I switched my doctor. That was an incredibly hard decision. I had been declining in my health for over a decade and under her care I was able to see much improvement. However, she was very expensive and if I was going to be able to finish treatment I needed to find a quality specialist that is more affordable. I hate how expensive and complicated it is to treat Lyme...it is truly insane! <br />
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This new Lyme Literate doctor took me off about 40 pills a day that my previous doctor had prescribed. When Saturday night hit and I could only walk with major concentration on each step and would get dizzy spells (and a bunch of other terrible symptoms), I thought, "Oh Crap! I am getting worse!". My doctor had been out of town Friday and wasn't able to return my messages until Monday, at which time he concluded it was herxing. That is the nasty side effect of killing off Lyme. The strength of the herx depends on the intensity of the treatment. The trick is to not treat too hard that the body is unable to function in a normal way. <br />
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I have spent the last 4 days detoxing (baths, sauna, a gazillion cups of water ect) resting and sleep sleep sleeping. Also my hubby did a bunch of juicing veggies and cooked me some healthy meals. I am so pleased to say I am feeling much better. That is wonderful but I am still pissed. <br />
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I am infuriated that I am 2 1/2 years into intensive treatment and have stabalized. I have goals. I want to fully live. I want the energy inside of me to be able to escape. I want to skate. That was my spring goal: to trail skate slowly for (5-20 minutes). My ankles have given out and ones in a boot the other an ace bandage.<br />
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As long as I can remember I have skated. As a kid we were blessed with a huge driveway and would spend our summers swimming at Heathers and skating at Chrissys. Then as a teen I skated everywhere, everyday. My favorite was to skate along the beach for hours. Then when I lived in Seattle I loved to skate on the trail, again for hours. I frequently skate there in my meditations. It is the most incredible beautiful skate. I bet CDA and Spokane have comparable gorgeous trails to skate on & I am going crazy waiting to find out for myself!<br />
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Ok so new goal:<br />
1. Next spring, trail skate<br />
2. Next May 15, have a big 40th birthday party with dancing (and get to participate for more than a minute and NOT getting wiped out for days after!).<br />
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This year? Realize I have to make small goals that consist of each day making sure I adhere strictly to my treatment and I need to drink a gazillion cups of water, take pills on time throughout the day, sleep those 12 hours a night my body needs to heal, let worry go, avoid sugar and gluten, hug & laugh with my kids, hubs and friends!<br />
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Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-43401747021191683092013-03-04T14:32:00.001-08:002013-03-04T14:32:24.746-08:00Rat Race<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
As my health was showing signs of improving, my plans got to get moving. When you are forced to not move and do much you have time to plan. I had a lot of time to wish and plan. I also had time to do my daily exercise (even if it was two 5 minute walks), stretch, weekly detox, eat right, meditate, ect ect. As I felt a little better I got to start knocking things off my to do list and then realized I could do more and more. <br />
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Today, I am writing this while a horrific headache feels like it is attacking me. It has become "normal" again for me. My commitments are high so I must move on through it. So it is time for me to get smart. Control what I can. That is food, water intake, breathing (taking deep breaths throughout day), stretch, choose to think in a positive way, do not hold onto negative thoughts.<br />
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The food is what I realized I had to get organized about. I meal planned for some healthy soup/stews and some salads (things that could be made in bulk so I can have it all ready to grab for breakfast and lunches). Then I shopped. Now I am having to choose to eat that healthy stuff and stand up to the temptation to eat what is easy and terrible for my body.<br />
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It is a rat race we ALL live in. We ALL have to figure out how to navigate through remembering our priorities. I choose to get the most out of it. (and that is what I have to remind myself when temptations come my way....I choose NO!).</div>
Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-44101111154572519232013-01-11T13:08:00.001-08:002013-01-11T13:08:38.201-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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32 Pills! Yup that is my after breakfast & after lunch "treat". I am at my work right now. I had to take a break to get down these beggars. <div>
It is wonderful that I have an private office to keep my stash of pills, water, food and other items I still need for my healing. However, I am battling the agitation of taking these guys & still having to care so tenderly to my body needs. I want to take some of the focus off ME. Or maybe I just want to shift the focus to other things. </div>
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At my last doctor apt, my protocol was all changed up and I have had a lot of problems getting all the new pills. As you might have noted, there is a lot! Part of the problem has been money and part has been snow & the holiday season slowing down receiving them. I still do not have all of them and it has been a month. I am so dang frustrated because if I am going to keep having to deal with the troubles of Lyme, I want to do as much as I can to get well. (But then there is an opposing view in my head too. I also do not want to only eat veggies and protein right now. ) So to clarify, I want to do the easier stuff to heal. </div>
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The 2 sides of my mind are just battling it out when it comes to food. I am not off the band wagon completely but have been having corn items and gluten free items with sugar. For me that is not good. My stomach is now swelled to looking like I did when I was 6 months pregnant. A few years ago that was a big sign something was seriously wrong. Now it is a undeniable red flag I am am not eating right (right for me at this time in my life). Eating only veggies and protein takes time and effort to not make it boring and I just can't seem to focus on that with everything else going on in my life.</div>
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Back to work.<br /><br /></div>
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Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-41492791167734951682013-01-04T00:21:00.001-08:002013-01-04T00:21:36.055-08:00Gone but Good<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Ok, it has been way too long since I have written an update. I have been gone from writing but I am doing GOOD!<br />
Last summer I felt so much improvement, I knew I was getting better. Since my treatment began I wondered how much better I would get. I still wonder, but I do not have as many doubts as I used to. I know I will make a recovery like I never could imagine.<br />
I am still sick and must limit my daily activities or I get alot of pain reminding me to take better care of myself. But I have begun working part time. It is wonderful to be able to dream a bit more of a more active life, of exercising, riding my bike, roller skating, hiking, swimming, going on water slides ect ect ect!<br />
The hard parts now are remembering that although I am feeling better I still have to take care of myself by a strict diet, lots of sleep, and taking all of my supplements/medicines. My doctor is brilliant and although at times I absolutely hate taking my pills I now see that each one has a specific healing function and they are all part of my journey to health. When I went back to work in August, I soon started to lag in taking care of my health and so my body had to scream at me (in a not very sweet way) to get back to my program!<br />
Now I make sure I am doing detoxing once a week, drinking at least 8-10 glasses of water a day, eating fresh garlic & healthy foods, sleeping sleeping sleeping and taking tons and tons of pills!<br />
Chronic Lyme is horrible, but our bodies want to heal and can heal if given the right circumstances. I am lucky to have huge support from my husband to allow our house to be a place of healing for me. I have also been extremely lucky to have received financial support to pay for all my expensive Lyme treatment. I really feel for those who don't have those 2 key components My prayer for 2013 is that we as a society will come closer to:<br />
In the near future, treatment can be covered by insurance, treatments will be quicker working, testing can be improved and knowledge of Chronic Lyme can become widespread & accepted.</div>
Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-29213747627959904752012-05-25T14:36:00.000-07:002012-05-25T14:36:04.428-07:00To Live More Fully<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
As I am healing, and not feeling so sick constantly, I am able to have more choices. For years, my "free time" was basically non-exsistant. If I did do something fun for a bit I was in recovery, on bed rest, for days. In this last year that has slowly been changing. I am becoming more normal. <br />
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I feel like others, "normal", in that when I get a few minutes, what do I do with it? Do I stay in touch with an old friend? Or a new one? Play games on the computer? Organize paperwork? Draw or be creative? Watch TV? Play with my kids (what they want to play)? Meal plan? Detox bath? Ect....?....?....? My mind gets cluttered with these choices, and I end up choosing the laziest. I don't want to waste time, I want to treat myself as more important than that. <br />
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I was talking with a friend the other day who was sharing about the struggles of being a mom and keeping balance within herself, the kids and her home. But before long, she stopped sharing because she said she felt like it was whining compared to me dealing with my health problems. In no way did I feel like her struggles were whines. <br />
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The thing I realize is struggle is always there for each person. We each have our own Sh#t to deal with and in that struggle we can all relate. When we take a look at our day to day life, we all share a desire to be more than we are currently being. We see where we are damaged. At times it can weigh us down. We feel isolated because it is OUR issue(s) that we have to figure out how to muster up the strength to respond to. We realize life is valuable and we have to be sure we are making the most of it. Everyone has a story, a story of how they are trying to make the most of this life, and a story of why they try hard or try just a little at living. Your story is as important as mine. I tell my story to live more fully. Please tell me yours so I can live more fully. </div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-2620872515481750342012-04-22T18:51:00.000-07:002012-04-22T18:52:46.495-07:00Turning Up the Heat<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> I really enjoyed the snow during the winter and now that it is spring I am loving the sun and heat! With the season change also comes changes in my treatment. The spirochetes continue to look for weakness in my body and want to take over as much as they can. The spirochetes are also tricky lil buggers, so we've got to outwit them. I had another doctor appointment last week and after a hour of questions and tests, it was decided to turn up the heat. I was told it HAS to get worse before it gets better so these next 2 months will be rougher than the last 2. At least I get to have my treatments at home! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I am staying on the same 2 prescription antibiotics (just doubling the dose of one) and 5 herbal antibiotics. Then I am beginning another prescription and 2 more herbal antibiotics. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> It hurts to kill off the Lyme & co-infections. All kinds of strange, annoying, and painful symptoms come up. My mouth has tasted like metal for a week, my sleep has much disturbance the , off and on sore throat and swollen glands and for a whole week for the last few months I will feel as though I just got whiplash. I also have overall weakness. I just went out in the beautiful sunshine with my dog for a walk and had to turn back after 5 minutes. Those were some calm, painful, enjoyable minutes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> The way I look at it is this is the part of my life that is my struggle, everyone has something. I am where I am supposed to be...healing. Reaching goals is not easy, it is work. My goal is 3 years to heal (doctor said 3-5 years) so I have another 1 1/2 to go. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I feel incredibly lucky and grateful to have a great support system (My doctor, <u>Heather</u>-My doctor visit driver, note taker & support, <u>Tim</u>-my husband who has set up the house for me to be able to heal, <u>my kids</u>-who are encouraging and helpful to help me stick to my goal, <u>my mom</u>-listens, organizes my medications, finacial, <u>JP</u>-my couch buddy so I am not so lonely being homebound). Also for Angel Flight who flies me to & from Seattle every 2 months, helping the trip be a little less exhausting! </span></div>
</div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-51735203430584018512012-04-05T14:39:00.000-07:002012-04-05T14:39:53.488-07:00Burdens & Blessings Today & Each Day<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Being sick can be just downright icky!! There are moments, or longer, when I forget how sick I am. The reminder comes like a punch in the stomach. Oooofta! Wait! What?! Oh yeah, I am sick. Really sick. It is like having the flu all the time. You just want to get better.<br />
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In my last post I shared about my treatment changes and how it was expected for me to herx. Yes. The herx has come. It took a hold of me terribly for over a week and had me on bed rest (or bed pain). Then let up but has left me with muscle cramps, stomach upset, occasional nausea, fatigue, insomnia (lying in bed for hours feeling like I am only a second away from sleep. It is quite a not very funny joke that is being played on me!), headaches, migraines, joint pain and others I can't think of at the moment.<br />
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It is frustrating to have so much pain with any movement. It hurts in each part of my body within the muscles and joints. My mind wants to do so much from chores to hanging out with friends and family to reaching bigger goals. I get energized/excited to be with people then feel something like the flu, slam into my body, screaming "GO LAY DOWN NOW!". I grudgingly say, "geez okay, okay. You didn't have to throw such a fuss!". In return I hear, "That is the only way you will listen!".<br />
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I succumb, to this point in life where I find myself, experiencing peace and joy in the midst. Each person has their own burdens and blessings. Above are some of the burdens, below are some blessings:<br />
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-long weekend visits from both Keri and Heather<br />
-getting lots of time to sit and talk with my kids<br />
-our house with big windows & being next to a field, park and my kids schools<br />
-going for walks with my dog (even if they are only 5 minutes)<br />
-getting to live where it snows<br />
-getting to live where there is sunshine<br />
-getting warm summers<br />
-I get to have lots and lots of Sea Salt<br />
-I can have fruit<br />
-understanding, helpful husband and kids<br />
-having so many similar interests as my kids and hubby<br />
-for a loving family<br />
-for help to pay for my treatments so one day I will be well<br />
-for the hope for a NEW & IMPROVED me!<br />
With this joy and hope I am motivated to continue on with my busy day of treatments, today and each day. </div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-43990804278094308632012-02-29T13:10:00.000-08:002012-02-29T13:10:30.792-08:00Doctor Appointment Yields Hope<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-puP6kVagFH4/T06LgE0fnLI/AAAAAAAAAD8/ZWpmKU4xpGQ/s1600/P1020620.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-puP6kVagFH4/T06LgE0fnLI/AAAAAAAAAD8/ZWpmKU4xpGQ/s320/P1020620.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>My doctor apt went well. I am in a very hopeful place in my healing journey. My health has been a downward spiral for so long that it is so comforting to know what is wrong and what to do to get better. <br />
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My doctor asks many, many questions at my appointments during our hour together. This time I was able to tell her about a couple break throughs. #1 My family went on a weekend vacation together. #2 We have had a couple people over for potluck dinners. Although I was still in pain, and experienced so many symptoms from my Lyme, my body allowed me to be part of these things. A year ago there was no way! <br />
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These were great clues to show us I am refreshed enough to go into the next steps of my treatment. My doctor is changing up my antibiotics to target different areas of my body. I am stopping all current antibiotics and starting 2 new prescription, and 5 new herbal antibiotics. As these get a hold of the varies Lyme within my body and kill them off there will be a worsening of symptoms for a period of time. A few of them are Headaches, night sweats, shortness of breath and chest pain. This is another reason why detoxing is very important. <br />
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My pill schedule continues to be (I can't think of the word...) frequent & alot of pills. 8 times a day taking nearly 100 pills. This is nearly overwhelming but it is part of my treatment and the more I look into what each does the more grateful I feel to have a doctor who is wise enough to treat all the different problems throughout my body. I am also so grateful for the help from my mom to pay for these! <br />
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Another reason I am ok with taking all I do is because it is giving my organs support while being on so much antibiotics. Each visit, I learn that my blood work is coming back saying that my kidneys & liver function is great. That is wonderful because it is another indication we can keep going full force killing off those little mutha ruckers! <br />
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Lastly, I also am gaining a bit of weight back!!! I have gained 5 #s in the last 2 months. I am proud to say I now weigh 100#s! My goal is at least 5 more by my next doctor appointment (2 months).<br />
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I am revitalized and focused on doing my weekly schedule of pills, healthy foods, juicing, infrared sauna, baking soda baths, coffee enema, dry brushing, walking (with my dog), nap and more water than I think my body can handle. I am also wanting to do more meditation & art and focus on learning more about the co-infections I have Babesia & Bartonella. And hopefully in the midst of this I will be able to make connections with friends through lazy visits and in person and on the phone!</div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-65709531524000410242012-02-13T13:55:00.000-08:002012-02-13T13:55:05.518-08:00Rolling Lyme Derby<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I am a person who gets energy from being with others. I love to engage those I am around. I love to connect with them. I become relaxed and happy interacting. But when it comes time to go home, I usually realize I used a bit too much energy for this fun. How do I, a people person, be with people and not become drained? How do I, a woman still very sick, be part of a community?<br />
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Last night I helped run the NSO's at our monthly bout. If you don't know those terms you haven't yet been introduced to the amazing world of Roller Derby. The first Roller Derby bout I ever went to was in LA at the Doll House watching the LA Derby Dolls. They own/rent a huge warehouse. As you walk in, you can instantly tell these women are some organized, creative, strong lady's! The place is packed with confident volunteers telling the long line of spec taters where to get their tickets, and what to do next. The walls have DIY paint & posters. To the right through the bleachers, I could see glimpses of the black and hot pink banked track. To the left I see another huge room with vendors and a small stage in the very back for the band at their half time show. I loved the energy within the room and as the bout began I fell in love with this sport. However, I am not one to be able to process details quickly so I really didn't know what the girls were doing on the track but I love their outfits, their clever edgy names, and seeing them be feisty knockin each other down. Periodically, the screens would show a lil diagram explaining the game and the comedian announcers made it fun to learn about the rules. I was hooked. It is for sure a great night out.<br />
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When we moved out of state we looked into a local team and found a brand spankin new flat track roller derby team right here in our home town. It didn't have that same production value as the Doll House, but how exciting to help be part of something from the near start and help them grow. Right away my husband began to skate with them as a referee and I became a NSO (non skating official) at their once a month bouts.<br />
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Last night there was a bout where I was Head NSO. I love it. That same energy I felt at the Doll House was in the air. I love getting there early when the place looks like a regular skating rink and getting to see volunteers doing all the tasks it takes to transform it into a bout. I love seeing different girls from my team and giving em a nice cupping slap on the hinney and exchanging silly words. I love setting up the NSO's in the their job for the night and making sure they understand the details of their job, I love learning more about each of the NSO positions, I love stopping and meeting a spectator, finding out who they came to support or how they found out about us and telling them Thank you so much for being here. I love seeing big floppy falls on the track. I love seeing the jammer break through the wall. I love checking on all the NSO's throughout the game and helping fix any glitches. I love making sure all the NSO's get a "Thank you gift" out of the basket and watching what they pick! I love any chit chat that happens through out the night. I do not love the feeling when I get home when The Sick hits me again.<br />
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You know when you are not sure if you are getting a cold/flu and then all of a sudden it hits you? It's like that. Oh yeah, sh#*, I am sick. The really sick, long term sick.Sick. Oh what a nuisance. No annoying. No infuriating. No, it is confusing and frustrating. As I realize I have done way too much physically for what I should be doing, I wonder how to be me while dealing with this 3-5 years of healing. I am beyond grateful for the prognosis of health in as little as 5 years but on the flip side I don't know if I can stand waiting that long. How do I be me in the mean time? I love chocolate chip cookies, pizza, volunteering, making art/crafts, being impulsive, hiking, jogging, skiing, skating, staying up late, dancing, going out with my hubby and friends, hosting friends for dinner and games. <br />
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How do I be part of a community in a sedated way? Do I ask for friends to sign up to be put on a list for me to call last minute for movie watching at my house?. (Since some days I might end up needing to go back to bed depending how my sleep went the night before). Do I invite friends over to bring dinner and hang out? Do I ask friends to invite me over to their house to make a no sugar, no carbs organic meat or beans + veggie dish? Do I ask friends to get together and get the materials for us to do art/craft and they clean up? Do I ask friends to call me on the phone to chat?........"Hi friend! Can you be a sedated friend for me?" <br />
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It is definitely not my first choice. But it is a choice for community and friends. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YyTdonTgZlE/TzmGFs7K-cI/AAAAAAAAADo/ciktY8Fij8Q/s1600/P1000970.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YyTdonTgZlE/TzmGFs7K-cI/AAAAAAAAADo/ciktY8Fij8Q/s320/P1000970.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZU-befH0_Ss/TzmGnwgFX0I/AAAAAAAAADw/ICMMBz7G0NI/s1600/P1000974.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZU-befH0_Ss/TzmGnwgFX0I/AAAAAAAAADw/ICMMBz7G0NI/s320/P1000974.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
</div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-15093455869742492692012-02-07T14:35:00.000-08:002012-02-07T14:35:08.381-08:00Between Sleep and Awake<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NwyJ0OsJB7U/TzGkraDtjDI/AAAAAAAAADg/BOyDJDR2Tqw/s1600/P1010983.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NwyJ0OsJB7U/TzGkraDtjDI/AAAAAAAAADg/BOyDJDR2Tqw/s320/P1010983.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>I go back and forth between being so ecstatic that I am actually starting to see improvement to being shocked at how much damage there is in my body. I spend an evening out and that night or the next day am reminded about how fragile my body still is. Normal things are hard on my body. All of the functions do not work properly yet. It is incredible how damaging Chronic Lyme Disease is. <br />
I had spent the last 10 years becoming sicker every year. Now I can look back to a year ago and see improvements. It is so hopeful. It helps me to dream for my future. It helps me relax about today. It also makes me slack. I have been eating things that make my body swell and have had a pregnant looking belly for the last month. I know I should tighten up my diet but don't feel like putting in the extra work. I am tired of it. Lazy about it. Unmotivated. Then there will be days in a row I am so disciplined. Part of the problem is I am also trying to eat eat eat to try to break the 100# mark. I have been 95 pounds since at least last summer. It makes it very hard to only eat veggies and meat (avoiding red meat except 2 times a week) and gain weight.<br />
In Peter Pan he says "You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming?". That is how I feel, stuck between 2 places, a bit disorientated, but excited.<br />
I love being with friends and become energized. Recently I have been well enough to spend time out with friends/family. New Years eve playing games with friends, a birthday party watching friends play a dance game, indoor waterpark with my kids, end of the year celebration with our team with dinner and dancing. All of these have in common: foods that don't quite match my diet, me standing and turning my neck frequently. It is amazing how those little things can take so much out of me and leave me in a recovery mode for days after.<br />
Balance in life is what everyone toils with. I am thrilled that I can get to make choices and dream of making even more choices in my future! </div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-59035503574531123662012-01-03T13:10:00.000-08:002012-01-03T13:10:14.662-08:00Reality Check<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">My doctor appointment is in 2 days. I leave tomorrow. I am fortunate to be getting a quick ride on a lil airplane thanks to Angel Flight. My trip home isn't scheduled yet so hopefully I am not stuck in Seattle. Beautiful city, many friends but it wouldn't be a vacation (when they are all working) and I wouldn't have my meds. Plus, I have a friends Bday party Friday night that I gotta get back to! Even if I am just sittin and hanging for a bit, I AM going!<br />
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Anxiety always fills me before my doctor appointments. It is a reality check. I can float along and for moments here and there try to forget how sick I am. But it is like I am on salary for a demanding boss, I really can't ever forget my work. I know I should have been making some different choices since my last doctor appointment. That is how I measure things, every 2 months. But I have been distracted, weak, unfocused, fighting with the reality of my days.<br />
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I am still on the band wagon but have sure tried to hop off a few times. I have been cheating and eating sugar in the form of my addictive enemy: The cookie. I have not been going for my small walks unless I feel up to a longer walk. I have been having daily conversations/arguments with my meds 5 times a day. <br />
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New year brings new chances. In the small, daily moments, I want to be more at peace with living with Chronic Lyme Disease. I need to go back to cooking healthy huge batches of soups and freezing them. I need to use some type of simple schedule to remind me all the different health/detox things I need to get in throughout my week. I need to remember to nap in the afternoon and not push through to try to DO something around the house. I want to meditate in the mornings and calm and focus my body and mind. I want to stand up to that conniving lil bastard, sugar, and say NO WAY, I don't need you and you have no power over me, and be able to walk away. <br />
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The good thing about seeing my doctor every 2 months is I re-evaluate my health and refine what "I" can do to help myself heal. The bad thing is I am reminded I am sicker than the way I want to live. My mind and body are filled with desires of things to experience and do but the reality is, I am too sick. One of the my favorite things in the whole world is skiing. I haven't been able to go for 12 years. My kids are now learning to snowboard and I can't be up on the mountain with them. It is a loss I have to mourn. It is a hope I have for the future, to go down the hill someday with them.<br />
<br />
The wonderful thing about having this particular disease is that I CAN heal. It is slow, and a hard trek, but it WILL happen if I keep on keepin on! And of course continue to get the incredible wisdom of my doctor! </div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-79946583532777383992011-12-23T21:06:00.000-08:002011-12-23T21:06:39.865-08:00There is so much I CAN do!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">December can be a hard time for just about everyone. It might be the weather, darker days, a busy schedule, not enough time off work, not being able to stick to ones diet, or tension with extended family that is getting together for the holidays. This month I am not the only one who is struggling (or any month for that matter!). <br />
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It depends on my perspective because really, I am able to do so much. Thanks to a newer friend who I got to see 2 times this week, my spirits are lifted! I also was able to be creative with my daughter and cut a couple sweaters into leg warmers. With the help of my son we are going to finish a mosaic I started a couple years ago. My daughter and I have a couple more DIY projects lined up to do over her Christmas break. Things that don't require too much from me but are fun to help her do!<br />
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As this year ends I think back to the goals i set for 2011 and look to this coming year to reach some new goals. One goal for last year was to read at least one book a month. When I was younger I wasn't interested in reading. Then for the last 4 years or so my eyes would get blurry so fast that it took me a very long time to get through books. This challenge to myself ended up being very fun.<br />
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My favorites:<br />
-I read almost all of Anne Lammots books. They portray women searching for a honest way to live.<br />
-Finally, after my kids and husband pushed, I read the hunger games series. I hesitated because I didn't want to read something that stays in a hopeless place. Once I read, I discovered the series is about never giving up. Incredible riveting stories!<br />
- I finished the year with The Help. I loved the way every person was shown to have a good and a bad side. We are all human. <br />
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My main goal for this coming year is I need to learn to just BE. I want to meditate more. I want to calm myself completely at some point, each day. I want to accept myself more, which in turn will help me to not judge others and accept them just the way they are. I want to learn to be ok within the "unsettled" of life. <br />
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Yesterday, I got myself busy doing this and that around the house. I had just realized that I had spent too long being busy when I suddenly felt light headed and out of breath. Nearly the second after I understood this my husband said "you shouldn't be doing all that!". My defensive Nelly rose up and argued, "But it was important!". With a smile and a kind voice he said, " No it wasn't!". We went back and forth a bit and then he said, "Remember your 2012 goal to just BE? If you were trying to do that you would look at all this stuff and be ok with it instead of wanting to change it.".<br />
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And THAT is just why I need to have it as a goal, because in order to heal, I need to think long term. Busying myself with a short term goal (ie. a clean kitchen) will give a itty bitty reward. I have a big goal (healing) and I need a big payout. So I have to stay focused on that and BE ok with letting go some of the little stuff. In 2012 that is something I can do, actively practicing CALM each day.</div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-24670811702263952012011-12-17T19:01:00.000-08:002011-12-17T19:01:33.956-08:00To Dance or Not to Dance<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">My anger has given way to loneliness. Now I am just tired of sitting on the sidelines. I understand and accept I can't join groups I am interested in, and be more involved with relationship building activities. Even doing a yoga class is too much for me. Just the idea of getting myself ready and to the location would be a tiring thing. And I can only do yoga or walking for about 10 minutes, any more and I pay for it in pain or fatigue later. I am looking for a book club and keeping my eyes out for other unique groups where I can build relationships yet not active.<br />
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I joined a site online, Pinterest, that allows me to view pictures posts on a variety of topics and them repin my favorites on my bulletin boards under different titles I have chosen. For a year now, my doctor has been telling me to google images of things I love like Nature, Colors ect. Pinterest has been a great way for me to do this. I am rediscovering who I am (inside). I have a board "Things I will do again soon", "Dream things to do", "Dream vacation spots" and a few more. Those have reminded me a side of me I almost forgot.<br />
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I am active. I like to play. I like to be silly. I am energentic. I like to try new things. I am a people person. I love to ski, skate, hike, waterski, kayak, dance, run, swim, bike. I have dreams to try more active things. But the reality is right now I just want to be able to get through the day with out having intense pain that shuts me in my bedroom for the day. I can't plan to do more. I can wish. I become impatient wishing. Since I can't dance in the way I want to, I am trying to learn how to mentally dance in a way that will give me some of that same sense of fun and release. <br />
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</div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-43188994688338094112011-12-02T20:08:00.000-08:002011-12-02T20:08:48.203-08:00Lyme Is #*%*tty!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> These last few days I have become pissed off at the Lyme in my body. I have had this anger before but have found ways to sort it out and accept where I am at. However, it is here again with a request. It wants me to recognize it has the right to come around once in awhile, and it doesn't have to be Fun.<br />
The kids, Tim and I went to a store and were looking around at things for Christmas presents. Tim said "Wow I haven't seen you this animated in awhile!". I said "I am having fun!!". Well, about a half hour later I had to find a place to sit down in the store and my eyes glazed over and face became expressionless. He came over and rubbed my knee and sweetly said, "Ok kids, time to get mom home.". It is wonderful he was ok with it. However, I was not.<br />
I want more than an hour outing once a week. I want more out of this season and more out of this life. I don't like being on a special diet, taking nearly 100 pills a day & becoming worn out with small tasks. I want a full life and don't feel I have it. I am capable of so much more.<br />
That outing with my family was a week ago and each day since the bitterness has seemed to grow just a tiny bit more. Part of me feels like my brain is supposed to just shut down for these years while I am healing. How can my brain engage and grow and be used when I am obligated to do so many mundane tasks throughout the day/week in order to heal. My schedule is busy with petty things. I am like a baby with my need to ad- hear to a schedule. But when I veer from it I push my wellness further into the future. It makes it a costly choice. How do I engage my brain in a way that doesn't wear out my body? And how can I NOT waste my time right now? I tend to feel like I am wasting time because I am not contributing financially (when we are struggling so much), not able to do household chores (which means everyone else does extra, mostly Tim & which I am so grateful for but I end up getting frustrated that the house doesn't look like I want it to) and I am not involved in activities/art/sports that excite my mind. <br />
I do not have that much "free" time with all the weekly medical things I have to do for myself. And then with that "free" time I have such limited energy I feel like I need to budget out my time. "Okay I will spend today's allotted energy on typing this blog and will have to wait until tomorrow to use more energy. Tuesday I need to pick up my prescription and while I am there I might as well do a little grocery shopping. But I should plan out what to get so Monday I will use my allotted energy to plan a meal or 2. Hopefully, Wednesday or Thursday I will be able to cook some healthy soup because I hate to watch the veggies get old in my fridge." If I get a few bad days I might not be able to cook until later and then of course the day I cook, I will have no energy for anything else. I am poor in my bank account and poor in my energy account.<br />
I need to get out this anger in some healthy way and then get back to feeling grateful for all the things that make my life full of opportunities to smile.</div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-44128795165037172682011-11-13T14:44:00.000-08:002011-11-13T14:44:00.888-08:00Friends That Help Heal Me<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bp3OGEQhkgk/TsA52oEagUI/AAAAAAAAAC8/ABXh-gOFWb0/s1600/P1000877.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bp3OGEQhkgk/TsA52oEagUI/AAAAAAAAAC8/ABXh-gOFWb0/s320/P1000877.JPG" width="320" /></a> I wanted to give an update on my health since I have just come home from my recent dcotor trip appointment, but I now have a cold and am kinda out of it. However, when I was reflecting on these trips I take every other month, I realized I want to share a different aspect. Friends are an integral part of my doctor trips. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> There are a few girls who have changed my trips from bring a stressful task to a wonderful part of my healing journey. The times of my flight and doctor appointments change but somehow these few girls will cover all the travel needs. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> Heather & I have been close friends since we were 2 years old. She happens to live in the city my doctor is in, she uses her day off to support me during my doctor appointments. It has been wonderful to have another set of ears, she take notes and we discuss afterward. She also will pick me up from Kerensa's (who shows me incredible hospitality by letting me stay at her hip downtown pad & cooking dinner for us!) and Heather will bring me to the airport. Heather & I love the fact that Agua Verde (an organic mexican cafe) is near my doctor so we get to munch on delicious food, while having a beautiful view of the Lake & always get some laughs in. At times my dear friend Kat will get to meet us for lunch which is a double bonus! </div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Wcv_eqi81lw/TsA6ifR6BOI/AAAAAAAAADE/EKzfol6EZs4/s1600/P1000847.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Wcv_eqi81lw/TsA6ifR6BOI/AAAAAAAAADE/EKzfol6EZs4/s320/P1000847.JPG" width="320" /></a>Keri will pick me up from the airport (or drop off depending on everyone's schedule's) and then take me somewhere in nature! The trip from the picture, is when she planned a picnic and brought all the foods I could eat, pillows for me to sit on and we relaxed at a beautiful park. On my most recent trip, she drove us to Snoqualmi Falls! We have known each other 20 years and she has been my biggest supporter for years now! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> I am realizing that these trips are not only vital for checking in with my doctor but aid in my healing physically by mentally getting supported in working through the negative emotions of dealing with this long term illness: Guilt, anger, mental fatigue, worry, ect. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> I am beyond grateful!! </span> </div><br />
</div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-63492768816837429792011-10-22T11:38:00.000-07:002011-10-22T11:38:49.131-07:00I'm Free! Yet there is plenty I cannot do!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RQrD7ujck-o/TqMDu41V-AI/AAAAAAAAACc/PennrA6bM74/s1600/P1010482.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RQrD7ujck-o/TqMDu41V-AI/AAAAAAAAACc/PennrA6bM74/s320/P1010482.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;">This is my huge dog. We are on our way back from a walk in the field. Straight ahead is a little park and my house. Behind me is a small forest and to both sides I see mountains. It is mentally a breath of fresh air, so beautiful. Buddy loves to explore the field. I love to watch his excitement and see his cute tail curl up. We have been going for a walk almost everyday since I got off Minocycline (1 1/2 months). I was able to do about 5 minutes in the beginning and now, most days, I can do 20 minutes. I feel free. I am getting to use my body again. I can walk without cramping!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Walks with Buddy are wonderful times of healing, mentally and physically. Overall, I have been able to be more active in my life. I am loving being able to participate in household chores. Being sick helps me to appreciate that joy! Yay! I get to do chores! Seriously, it is very freeing to be able to help with the laundry & kitchen clean ups. When I say help, I do mean help out, because I am still not able to do these chores completely and I still have to take it day to day as far as helping at all or how much I can help. Being able to help more equals more independence which is a great feeling! </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am still trying to cook healthy big batches of food for myself, but am finding this frustrating. Cooking for me means 2 things, buying food and buying organic. That means money and more money. I haven't been able to work for years and my husband only gets occasional jobs. At the grocery store a mental battle always happens. Carrying a list, I go in the store to pick out the organic meat and veggies. When I get in the meat department and am reaching for the packages of organic meat and see the price per pound my hand will freeze. My mind questions spending that amount of money for this meat. A year ago, when I committed my self to eating for healing, I would buy organic for myself and my family. But again, our income was virtually non-existent and it was not something we were able to continue. Then I would buy it just for myself. I would feel guilt rain down me as I watched the kids eating, the regular, meat while I had my own "good stuff". And now, I have a different mental crisis at the grocery store thinking, "How much will this organic meat contribute to my healing?". I end up deciding that there are plenty of things I can do for my health that are cheap or nearly cheap. Such as drinking lots of water, lots of sleep, nap, walk, stretch, laugh, relax, meditate, hot/cold showers, dry brushing, sauna (at moms), kombucha and water kefir (more to come on those soon!). So it seems the lesson for my life continues, focus on what I can do and try to shake off the frustration of what I cannot do.</div></div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-84325852385320314602011-09-21T13:36:00.000-07:002011-09-21T13:36:31.546-07:00Long time no Chrissy!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Well, as you might have noticed, I took the summer off! I took it off from writing, from cooking big batches of soup, and from doing any art. I did this intentionally. My focus in the summer was to soak up my kids as much as possible. We were able to do lots of hanging out. Play games, watch movies, go to the beach or water park, and have their friends over. Honestly, it wasn't enough and when school began I was so sad! I am a big sap eh? <br />
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I wanted the kids to be my focus because I had become unable to do very much at all and had to make a choice where my limited energy would go. I had begun Minocycline antibiotic in May and it made my muscles cramp so badly that I was hardly able to do anything. Every time I used a muscle it began to cramp (ie. walking across the house, brushing my hair, ect made my muscles burn and cramp. So I was hardly able to leave the house and had to push myself to do one of the above activities a week. I think that is the reason that I cherished those times with my kids so much.<br />
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I just had another doctor appointment last week and got off of that dreadful antibiotic and are beginning my new ones today. I have enjoyed these last few days without my old ones. For the first time in over 3 months, I have been able to take my dog for a walk. Walking in the field behind our house with him is so relaxing. I never knew how much I would miss him stopping every 20 seconds so he can sniff and piss on bushes! I also have been able to type, sort paperwork (call on bills & look into financial assistance for medications), and cook soup batches. All which made my fingers or arms or something cramp. I love feeling like I am taking care of myself like a REAL adult.<br />
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I am left to wonder what these coming weeks will look like. I always get nervous when I begin new antibiotics, knowing there could be negative side effects and at some point the Herx will come. But for now I will take a deep breathe and go get ready to take my dog out for a lil walk! <br />
</div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-35867840001061158632011-06-25T18:39:00.000-07:002011-06-25T18:39:12.820-07:00Floating Along<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I am not settled into summer. There are a few reasons, a different schedule having the kids home, dealing with new pains, the weather, and nervous about job stuff for my husband. Yet somehow, I am able to really enjoy my family. Grateful for each trouble being paired with a benefit. The old Cat Stevens song, "Moonshadow" is my mantra....<br />
--If I ever loose my hands, I won't have to work no more. <br />
--If I ever loose my eyes, I won't have to cry no more. <br />
--If I ever loose my legs I won't moan and I won't beg, I won't have to walk no more.<br />
--If I ever loose my mouth all my teeth north and south, I won't have talk no more.<br />
It is such a happy easy going lil' tune! I can't help but take a deep peaceful breath when listening to it!<br />
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But in the midst of the good is confusion on how to adapt to these schedule and pain changes while still trying to maintain my rigorous healing schedule. Honestly, most of my healing tasks get a bit boring and annoying! They are not fun. So most of me doesn't want to do them. But then there is that small but mighty part of me that remembers the big reasons of why to heal: My Family & the Me that is inside me.<br />
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So I am left in limbo....feeling like I am in school again procrastinating on my homework. Not quite able to fully relax into any moment because there is much to do. One item I have been avoiding is meal planning/shopping/cooking for myself. That task feels quite burdensome lately and hopefully soon I can brake it down into something smaller. I know food can be an amazing healing medicine. In the meantime, thankfully I have freezer meals that Tim did for me for mother's day and my birthday. <br />
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I will just allow myself to be in this unsettled place and float along through it enjoying the fun scenery along the way. (Right now my son and 2 of his friends are playing wii and making fun happy noises! It puts a smile on my face too!)</div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-16376517907801115432011-06-16T15:27:00.000-07:002011-06-16T16:53:09.462-07:00I am sick alot these days<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">So this is what it feels like to be sick all the time. I have been bedridden for the past week. I went to my primary care doctor today because I thought I had strep throat. I didn't. It is wonderful to not have to add another antibiotic. I am just herxing. Herxing is when all your symptoms flare up when the Spirocyetes are being killed off and it is a miserable thing! But it is part of the healing so I am glad to be here.<br />
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What do I do being so sick? Trying to sleep a lot. In between naps I get to watch the kids playing & talk with them. I listen to music as I try to sleep or a relaxation CD. Also I got a subliminal healing CD (I requested it from my dad and he had it sent this week!!), that is not nearly as hokey as it sounds! It is actually really beautiful with water falls and has a few positive statements to think about while watching the scenery. I have taken my kids to a summer library program and I got some books on CD which helps when I am hurting too much to hold a book (sounds ridiculous but I am hurting a lot these days). I just finished The Giver. Incredible story. Also, when I can hold a book, I am reading Grace (eventually) by Anne Lammot. The library also has some great dvd's. I have been trying to get documentary's so I feel like I am not completely wasting my brain. The first day of summer break, my daughter was whining she was bored and in her tirade said "and when you watch tv all you watch is dumb boring documentaries!". I thought it was hilarious! <br />
Being sick is a whole lot of feeling awful in the midst of life continuing.</div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-88097403372435365942011-05-30T22:48:00.000-07:002011-05-30T22:48:25.160-07:00A+ Job<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-U5GhJwPNK_I/TeRvL-xmhyI/AAAAAAAAAB8/yzSt_tF6O0s/s1600/P1000606.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-U5GhJwPNK_I/TeRvL-xmhyI/AAAAAAAAAB8/yzSt_tF6O0s/s320/P1000606.JPG" style="clear: both; float: left; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px;" /></a> Last week I got to see my amazing doctor! It is so wonderful to no longer dread going to a doctor. Instead, I look forward to it knowing that I will get help in treating/healing my body! Also, I get to go to Seattle and I always feel positive energy in the air!<br />
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My mom picked me up at 6:15 am and dropped me off at 10pm. Long day but so much to be grateful for. <br />
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1. My mom is amazing. Easy going. Sweet. Funny. Helpful. A great person to travel with even when given a 1 & 1/2 hr flight delay. <br />
2. I had my new camera with me and got to take quirky pics. Like the window handle in our rental car. I had not seen a manual handle to roll up/down a window in well over a decade. They are really a nuisance! (It was fun to get annoyed by such a trivial thing! Great distraction from the bigger things!)<br />
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3. Received some ideas/help on how to deal with some difficult symptoms I've been dealing with. Doctor said no nuts and seeds for awhile but added a protein drink. So that is mixed excitement! Doctor went over my monthly labs and it showed my kidneys and liver working "to perfection", doctor's words! My weekly <i>jobs</i> of detoxing are paying off! Ready to start a new antibiotic that should continue to kill off those buggers! <br />
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4. My doctor cares about the whole person and I am always encouraged when seeing her. She will say pearls of wisdom. This time she said, " Illness awakens many gifts!". What an exciting way to look at this time in my life! <br />
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Now I am home to the mundane hourly tasks to keep my body going in a healing direction. The biggest struggle this week is trying to figure out what to eat using only beans/legumes, meat (only once a day) and veggies <i>without</i> having to cook every meal. It took me a week to recover from my doctor day so I am behind on freezer meals. <br />
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A unexpected beautiful thing happened tonight at dinner. Somehow my kids ended up meal planning for me from my old vegetarian cookbooks. It was so cute, they each were flipping through the cookbooks and then would find a recipe and rattle off questions to see if it pasts the momma's diet requirements! They make it so worth it to push through and aim for more A+ tests! <br />
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<img align="middle" alt="Posted by Picasa" border="0" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" style="-moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; border: 0px none; padding: 0px;" /></div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-75421533911256001962011-05-30T22:11:00.000-07:002011-05-30T22:11:57.724-07:00Friendship<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-G83SvyR6tjM/TeR4nL2dy6I/AAAAAAAAACM/H-gxNDK0_zE/s1600/P1000481.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; FLOAT: left; CLEAR: both" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-G83SvyR6tjM/TeR4nL2dy6I/AAAAAAAAACM/H-gxNDK0_zE/s160/P1000481.JPG" /></a> What can I say about friendship that doesn't sound cheesy or redundant? It is life giving. It is vital. Friends are so important in my healing.<br /><br />A few weeks ago I was having bouts of deep depression. I had a couple long distance friends who I reached out to and were very helpful in giving me encouargement. I am grateful to have friends who give in different ways. <br /><br />I recently had one of my closest friends, Keri, come for a long weekend. Being with a friend in person mends a heart in magical ways. The weekend was filled with open talks, laughs, taking goofy pictures and hanging out as a family. It left me feeling revitalized, as if I had gone on a vacation.<div style='clear:both; text-align:LEFT'><a href='http://picasa.google.com/blogger/' target='ext'><img src='http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif' alt='Posted by Picasa' style='border: 0px none ; padding: 0px; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial;' align='middle' border='0' /></a></div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-40446972994881400892011-05-30T21:50:00.000-07:002011-05-30T21:50:17.291-07:00I am Still Adventurous!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gJcUhT-NO3Q/TeRzUWEd5AI/AAAAAAAAACE/Cv4Yv40t_3I/s1600/P1000457.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gJcUhT-NO3Q/TeRzUWEd5AI/AAAAAAAAACE/Cv4Yv40t_3I/s400/P1000457.JPG" style="clear: both; float: left; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px;" /></a> <i>There is a gondola ride in downtown Spokane that goes right over one of the falls. It is unbelievably gorgous! Better than any Disney ride. I no longer get to roller skate, ski or snowboard, hike, or even spend a day out and about shopping or at a festival.</i><br />
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<i>But on Friday May 20, 2011 I got to go with a dear friend, on an adventure that felt like a vacation! It was a whole lotta fun packed into a few minutes. The feel, the smell and what I saw is in my memory for me to draw upon whenever I choose. I have already chosen to many times.</i><br />
<div style="clear: both; text-align: LEFT;"><i><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img align="middle" alt="Posted by Picasa" border="0" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" style="-moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; border: 0px none; padding: 0px;" /></a></i></div></div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-11191116163121737552011-05-19T14:30:00.000-07:002011-05-19T14:30:22.440-07:00Between the Past and Future<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZkrWuktQntk/TdC2vVjD2kI/AAAAAAAAAB0/BJjSgT2AvR8/s1600/P1000274.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZkrWuktQntk/TdC2vVjD2kI/AAAAAAAAAB0/BJjSgT2AvR8/s160/P1000274.JPG" style="clear: both; float: left; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px;" /></a> There is a strong desire in most peoples lives: Change. We want to change something all the time, all day long. We are unsatisfied. We forget to live in the moment and seem to waiver between the past and future forgetting the NOW. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Partly because of a book I am reading (Peaceful Warrior) and partly because of my struggle to live with more joy than angst.<br />
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I have been dreaming wondering (anxiously awaiting!) about what my life will be like once I am well. After much contemplation, I think it will be much of the same. Restlessness, frustration, aggravation, disappointment, joys, support, laughter, inner strength and fun. I want to relax into those things more now and remind myself not to wait for life to begin. Remind myself on days like today, when my mind is full of energy yet my body has a schedule of pills, strict diet, detoxing and little strength. A day where I got to read and watch a movie and will get to spend time hanging out talking with my kids when they get home from school. This is a demanding yet wonderful place in life. As will the next stage and next stage in life. <br />
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I remember after I had my first child, I had a visit from the pastors wife to meet our newborn baby. I asked which age did she enjoy her kids the most. She said every age was her favorite because each was filled with so much joy but equally so much hard work! I have fully agreed! My kids are now 9 &12 and I continue to find each year my favorite! <br />
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When I focus on what I don't want I end up living in the past or future but missing the NOW. I want to slow myself to see the small beauties in the mundane and the treasures among the tedious days. My joy is now!<br />
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</div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-17159026103215238032011-05-15T22:37:00.000-07:002011-05-15T22:37:30.154-07:00Okay Today<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">This disease is costly with my time, our time and financially. But within every hardship is a chance for a new perspective.<br />
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I get so much time to sit and chat with the kids and get to do this EVERY day when they get home from school!<br />
I get to watch them play with the neighborhood kids in front of our house, (30 kids live within a few blocks!).<br />
I get time to meditate and explore the meaning of life and re evaluate the simple pleasures in life.<br />
I get to discover the strength that is within me to be tediously consistent with hourly medications and various treatments throughout each day.<br />
I get the love and support of a husband who struggles with the intensity of this disease yet chooses to stay and love me.<br />
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For these things & more, I am grateful.</div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3809888767401766355.post-148145317834821462011-04-25T14:12:00.000-07:002011-04-25T14:12:33.498-07:00Food: Holidays, Comfort & Cravings<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I am proud to say I didn't cheat with food on Easter. The only thing I had that I shouldn't of was non-organic ham, but I had to have something to eat at Grandma's besides veggies! I didn't give in to my love for chocolate. I would find myself gazing at the kids candy and then snap out of it!! The cinnamon rolls at breakfast and crescent rolls at dinner so tempted me, but thankfully I held up! <br />
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This was not the case on the last holiday celebration. Before that holiday dinner, I had been off all types of sugar/carbs/dairy for many months and for the first time in my life I was no longer craving junk food. I begun to feel mentally strong with my relationship with food. Then we were at the holiday family dinner and I felt like an odd ball eating only the meat and veggies, which equated to hardly anything on my plate. When it came time for dessert I decided I was going to try a bite of cake. However, I was served a slice and before I knew it I felt like the cake was the ring in "The Lord of the Rings" and it was my precious! I couldn't stop eating it! I gobbled up the whole piece. That sugar put my body way out of balance and let the Candida feast, grow and become strong. Basically, it wreaked havoc on my immune system. The ridiculous thing was the reason I took a piece. I ate dessert to look normal because I was worried about what family (extended family who know nothing of my disease) would think of my crazy diet and of me. Very unreasonable thinking, I now know. I was left felling guilty, immature and weak. In the coming months I couldn't help but take time thinking about what I was trying to hide and why.<br />
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Since then I have relaxed into my diet although the cravings have been so tough since then. To be honest, I've been cheating every few weeks with just a bite or 2 of something a family member has left on the counter. I will become overwhelmed with an urgency to get just a piece and then a moment later when the flavor is gone, I ponder why the hell I just did that. The joy lasted just a minute and then poof: Gone! Why did I do that? What made me think I needed that? IT makes me sicker and what benefit did I get in return? Nothing! Nothing.<br />
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I am still working through my relationship to food. I think it is human to have a "relationship" with food. We were given taste yet live in a society that is about quick food. Lately, I have been very frustrated with not being able to grab comfort food. Like homemade mac n cheese, breads or pizza or even just grab an "easy" meal. It is really tough making sure all the food I eat is pure nourishment. The average person doesn't eat like that, if fact I don't think hardly anyone eats like that all the time. But I am very sick and need this healing to be as quick as possible!<br />
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I am trying to build my relationship with food to be healthier but <u>full of passion</u>! I want my taste buds to get excited at least at some of the meals! I do LOVE flavorful chicken salad with chunks of fresh basil and good olive oil! I relish in it. The challenging thing is that everything that tastes good, takes preparation, time and planning! Which means it all takes Energy, which I have a limited supply of. Hence the challenge. These are a few of my favorite easy eats: Brussell sprouts baked in olive oil, red bell pepper & hummus, carrots and almond butter with cinnamon, raw cashews baked in coconut oil, almonds baked in Tamari sauce, avocado with fresh basil and salt on rice cake, pecans fried in coconut oil and cinnamon, sweet potatoes with butter and cinnamon.<br />
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The other day my husband said to me, "You are learning to eat so well, treating yourself to delicious tasting food for your meals that once you are well you won't want to eat junk food! It won't taste good". I hope he is right!! </div>Chrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207830862901788016noreply@blogger.com5