This is my huge dog. We are on our way back from a walk in the field. Straight ahead is a little park and my house. Behind me is a small forest and to both sides I see mountains. It is mentally a breath of fresh air, so beautiful. Buddy loves to explore the field. I love to watch his excitement and see his cute tail curl up. We have been going for a walk almost everyday since I got off Minocycline (1 1/2 months). I was able to do about 5 minutes in the beginning and now, most days, I can do 20 minutes. I feel free. I am getting to use my body again. I can walk without cramping!
Walks with Buddy are wonderful times of healing, mentally and physically. Overall, I have been able to be more active in my life. I am loving being able to participate in household chores. Being sick helps me to appreciate that joy! Yay! I get to do chores! Seriously, it is very freeing to be able to help with the laundry & kitchen clean ups. When I say help, I do mean help out, because I am still not able to do these chores completely and I still have to take it day to day as far as helping at all or how much I can help. Being able to help more equals more independence which is a great feeling!
I am still trying to cook healthy big batches of food for myself, but am finding this frustrating. Cooking for me means 2 things, buying food and buying organic. That means money and more money. I haven't been able to work for years and my husband only gets occasional jobs. At the grocery store a mental battle always happens. Carrying a list, I go in the store to pick out the organic meat and veggies. When I get in the meat department and am reaching for the packages of organic meat and see the price per pound my hand will freeze. My mind questions spending that amount of money for this meat. A year ago, when I committed my self to eating for healing, I would buy organic for myself and my family. But again, our income was virtually non-existent and it was not something we were able to continue. Then I would buy it just for myself. I would feel guilt rain down me as I watched the kids eating, the regular, meat while I had my own "good stuff". And now, I have a different mental crisis at the grocery store thinking, "How much will this organic meat contribute to my healing?". I end up deciding that there are plenty of things I can do for my health that are cheap or nearly cheap. Such as drinking lots of water, lots of sleep, nap, walk, stretch, laugh, relax, meditate, hot/cold showers, dry brushing, sauna (at moms), kombucha and water kefir (more to come on those soon!). So it seems the lesson for my life continues, focus on what I can do and try to shake off the frustration of what I cannot do.
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