Between the Past and Future

There is a strong desire in most peoples lives: Change. We want to change something all the time, all day long. We are unsatisfied. We forget to live in the moment and seem to waiver between the past and future forgetting the NOW. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Partly because of a book I am reading (Peaceful Warrior) and partly because of my struggle to live with more joy than angst.

I have been dreaming wondering (anxiously awaiting!) about what my life will be like once I am well.  After much contemplation, I think it will be much of the same.  Restlessness, frustration, aggravation, disappointment, joys, support, laughter, inner strength and fun.  I want to relax into those things more now and remind myself not to wait for life to begin.  Remind myself on days like today, when my mind is full of energy yet my body has a schedule of pills, strict diet, detoxing and little strength.  A day where I got to read and watch a movie and will get to spend time hanging out talking with my kids when they get home from school.  This is a demanding yet wonderful place in life.  As will the next stage and next stage in life.  


I remember after I had my first child,  I had a visit from the pastors wife to meet our newborn baby.  I asked which age did she enjoy her kids the most.  She said every age was her favorite because each was filled with so much joy but equally so much hard work!  I have fully agreed!  My kids are now 9 &12 and I continue to find each year my favorite! 


When I focus on what I don't want I end up living in the past or future but missing the NOW.  I want to slow myself to see the small beauties in the mundane and the treasures among the tedious days.  My joy is now!