Food: Holidays, Comfort & Cravings

I am proud to say I didn't cheat with food on Easter.  The only thing I had that I shouldn't of was non-organic ham, but I had to have something to eat at Grandma's besides veggies!  I didn't give in to my love for chocolate.  I would find myself gazing at the kids candy and then snap out of it!!   The cinnamon rolls at breakfast and crescent rolls at dinner so tempted me, but thankfully I held up! 

This was not the case on the last holiday celebration.  Before that holiday dinner, I had been off all types of sugar/carbs/dairy for many months and for the first time in my life I was no longer craving junk food.  I begun to feel mentally strong with my relationship with food.  Then we were at the holiday family dinner and I felt like an odd ball eating only the meat and veggies, which equated to hardly anything on my plate.  When it came time for dessert I decided I was going to try a bite of cake.  However, I was served a slice and before I knew it I felt like the cake was the ring in "The Lord of the Rings" and it was my precious!  I couldn't stop eating it!  I gobbled up the whole piece.  That sugar put my body way out of balance and let the Candida feast, grow and become strong.  Basically, it wreaked havoc on my immune system.  The ridiculous thing was the reason I took a piece.  I ate dessert to look normal because I was worried about what family (extended family who know nothing of my disease) would think of my crazy diet and of me.  Very unreasonable thinking, I now know.  I was left felling guilty, immature and weak.  In the coming months I couldn't help but take time thinking about what I was trying to hide and why.

  Since then I have relaxed into my diet although the cravings have been so tough since then.  To be honest, I've been cheating every few weeks with just a bite or 2 of something a family member has left on the counter.  I will become overwhelmed with an urgency to get just a piece and then a moment later when the flavor is gone, I ponder why the hell I just did that.  The joy lasted just a minute and then poof: Gone!  Why did I do that?  What made me think I needed that?  IT makes me sicker and what benefit did I get in return?  Nothing!  Nothing.

I am still working through my relationship to food.  I think it is human to have a "relationship" with food.  We were given taste yet live in a society that is about quick food.   Lately, I have been very frustrated with not being able to grab comfort food. Like homemade mac n cheese, breads or pizza or even just grab an "easy" meal.  It is really tough making sure all the food I eat is pure nourishment.  The average person doesn't eat like that, if fact I don't think hardly anyone eats like that all the time.  But I am very sick and need this healing to be as quick as possible!

I am trying to build my relationship with food to be healthier but full of passion!  I want my taste buds to get excited at least at some of the meals!  I do LOVE flavorful chicken salad with chunks of fresh basil and good olive oil!  I relish in it. The challenging thing is that everything that tastes good, takes preparation, time and planning!  Which means it all takes Energy, which I have a limited supply of.  Hence the challenge.  These are a few of my favorite easy eats: Brussell sprouts baked in olive oil, red bell pepper & hummus, carrots and almond butter with cinnamon, raw cashews baked in coconut oil, almonds baked in Tamari sauce, avocado with fresh basil and salt on rice cake, pecans fried in coconut oil and cinnamon, sweet potatoes with butter and cinnamon.

The other day my husband said to me, "You are learning to eat so well, treating yourself to delicious tasting food for your meals that once you are well you won't want to eat junk food! It won't taste good".  I hope he is right!!