Floating Along

I am not settled into summer.  There are a few reasons, a different schedule having the kids home, dealing with new pains, the weather, and nervous about job stuff for my husband. Yet somehow, I am able to really enjoy my family.  Grateful for each trouble being paired with a benefit.  The old Cat Stevens song, "Moonshadow" is my mantra....
--If I ever loose my hands, I won't have to work no more. 
--If I ever loose my eyes, I won't have to cry no more. 
--If I ever loose my legs I won't moan and I won't beg, I won't have to walk no more.
--If I ever loose my mouth all my teeth north and south, I won't have talk no more.
It is such a happy easy going lil' tune!  I can't help but take a deep peaceful breath when listening to it!
 
But in the midst of the good is confusion on how to adapt to these schedule and pain changes while still trying to maintain my rigorous healing schedule.  Honestly, most of my healing tasks get a bit boring and annoying!  They are not fun.  So most of me doesn't want to do them.  But then there is that small but mighty part of me that remembers the big reasons of why to heal: My Family & the Me that is inside me.

So I am left in limbo....feeling like I am in school again procrastinating on my homework.  Not quite able to fully relax into any moment because there is much to do.  One item I have been avoiding is meal planning/shopping/cooking for myself.  That task feels quite burdensome lately and hopefully soon I can brake it down into something smaller.  I know food can be an amazing healing medicine.  In the meantime, thankfully I have freezer meals that Tim did for me for mother's day and my birthday. 

I will just allow myself to be in this unsettled place and float along through it enjoying the fun scenery along the way.  (Right now my son and 2 of his friends are playing wii and making fun happy noises!  It puts a smile on my face too!)

I am sick alot these days

So this is what it feels like to be sick all the time.  I have been bedridden for the past week.  I went to my primary care doctor today because I thought I had strep throat.  I didn't.  It is wonderful to not have to add another antibiotic.  I am just herxing.  Herxing is when all your symptoms flare up when the Spirocyetes are being killed off and it is a miserable thing!  But it is part of the healing so I am glad to be here.

What do I do being so sick?  Trying to sleep a lot.  In between naps I get to watch the kids playing & talk with them.  I listen to music as I try to sleep or a relaxation CD.  Also I got a subliminal healing CD (I requested it from my dad and he had it sent this week!!), that is not nearly as hokey  as it sounds!  It is actually really beautiful with water falls and has a few positive statements to think about while watching the scenery.   I have taken my kids to a summer library program and I got some books on CD which helps when I am hurting too much to hold a book (sounds ridiculous but I am hurting a lot these days).  I just finished The Giver.  Incredible story.  Also, when I can hold a book, I am reading Grace (eventually) by Anne Lammot.    The library also has some great dvd's.  I have been trying to get documentary's so I feel like I am not completely wasting my brain.  The first day of summer break, my daughter was whining she was bored and in her tirade said "and when you watch tv all you watch is dumb boring documentaries!".  I thought it was hilarious! 
Being sick is a whole lot of feeling awful in the midst of life continuing.

A+ Job

Last week I got to see my amazing doctor!  It is so wonderful to no longer dread going to a doctor.  Instead, I look forward to it knowing that I will get help in treating/healing my body!  Also, I get to go to Seattle and I always feel positive energy in the air!

My mom picked me up at 6:15 am and dropped me off at 10pm.  Long day but so much to be grateful for. 

1. My mom is amazing.  Easy going. Sweet.  Funny. Helpful.  A great person to travel with even when given a 1 & 1/2 hr flight delay.
2. I had my new camera with me and got to take quirky pics.  Like the window handle in our rental car. I had not seen a manual handle to roll up/down a window in well over a decade.  They are really a nuisance!  (It was fun to get annoyed by such a trivial thing!  Great distraction from the bigger things!)

3. Received some ideas/help on how to deal with some difficult symptoms I've been dealing with.  Doctor said no nuts and seeds for awhile but added a protein drink.  So that is mixed excitement!  Doctor went over my monthly labs and it showed my kidneys and liver working "to perfection", doctor's words!  My weekly jobs of detoxing are paying off!  Ready to start a new antibiotic that should continue to kill off those buggers! 

4. My doctor cares about the whole person and I am always encouraged when seeing her.  She will say pearls of wisdom.  This time she said, " Illness awakens many gifts!".   What an exciting way to look at this time in my life!     

Now I am home to the mundane hourly tasks to keep my body going in a healing direction.  The biggest struggle this week is trying to figure out what to eat using only beans/legumes, meat (only once a day) and veggies without having to cook every meal.   It took me a week to recover from my doctor day so I am behind on freezer meals.

A unexpected beautiful thing happened tonight at dinner.  Somehow my kids ended up meal planning for me from my old vegetarian cookbooks.  It was so cute, they each were flipping through the cookbooks and then would find a recipe and rattle off questions to see if it pasts the momma's diet requirements!   They make it so worth it to push through and aim for more A+ tests!
  

Friendship

What can I say about friendship that doesn't sound cheesy or redundant? It is life giving. It is vital. Friends are so important in my healing.

A few weeks ago I was having bouts of deep depression. I had a couple long distance friends who I reached out to and were very helpful in giving me encouargement. I am grateful to have friends who give in different ways.

I recently had one of my closest friends, Keri, come for a long weekend. Being with a friend in person mends a heart in magical ways. The weekend was filled with open talks, laughs, taking goofy pictures and hanging out as a family. It left me feeling revitalized, as if I had gone on a vacation.

I am Still Adventurous!

There is a gondola ride in downtown Spokane that goes right over one of the falls. It is unbelievably gorgous! Better than any Disney ride. I no longer get to roller skate, ski or snowboard, hike, or even spend a day out and about shopping or at a festival.


But on Friday May 20, 2011 I got to go with a dear friend, on an adventure that felt like a vacation! It was a whole lotta fun packed into a few minutes. The feel, the smell and what I saw is in my memory for me to draw upon whenever I choose. I have already chosen to many times.